Love: Burning Passion or Heart Choice?

What Does Taoist Love Wisdom Tell Us About the Best Source of Love?

A developed human is meant to have a self that is one-third emotion. This emotional aspect is crucial, but not all manifestations of love are healthy. Love can take two paths: one rooted in balance and harmony, and another that springs from a place of scarcity or fear.

The Fusion of Emotion and Choice

Healthy love isn’t just an overwhelming feeling; it’s a balanced fusion of emotion, choice, and intuition. These three elements work together to form a Complete Self, creating love that is steady, enduring, and deeply fulfilling.

On the other hand, unhealthy love often arises when either emotion or choice is missing or distorted. For instance, when someone has been emotionally starved in the past, their love may become desperate or clinging. Alternatively, when choice is ignored, love can turn into a chaotic craving—a rollercoaster that feels exhilarating but ultimately leaves one empty.

The Distrust of Choice in Modern Society

Humans are creatures of choice, yet society often conditions us to distrust this vital part of our nature. Instead of embracing choice as a source of empowerment, many people shy away from it. In romantic relationships, this distrust is especially clear.

Consider the modern view of love. Many people favor blind emotional craving over the conscious decision to build and maintain a connection. Why? Because choice feels fragile—it can change, and with that change comes uncertainty. The fear is that if love relies on conscious effort, one partner might simply decide to walk away. Let’s unpack this further:

1. The Illusion of Emotional Craving
   Emotional craving promises intensity and permanence, but anyone past their teen years knows this isn’t true. It’s like an addiction—seductive at first but ultimately draining. People who chase craving-based love are vulnerable to being pulled away by the next “stronger” emotional pull. This is why Taoist practitioners often describe love rooted in craving as an illusion. It promises what it cannot deliver: stability and depth.

2. The Power of Choice
   Choice is often misunderstood as impermanent or unreliable. In reality, it is the opposite. Choice resists impulse and creates a foundation for consistency. It is the glue that holds relationships together when fleeting emotions waver.

3. The Harmony of Choice and Emotion
   Some people see choice as purely intellectual, as though it runs counter to emotion. But this isn’t accurate. True choice involves the whole self—mind, heart, and spirit acting in unison. In Taoist thought, choice reflects the universal force that shapes and guides everything. It is not cold calculation; it is an intentional act of harmony.

The Hoarding of Love

For those who lack the sense of universal love—the understanding that they are always connected and always loved—relationships often become unhealthy. Such people may cling to love or fall into patterns of abuse. To an experienced Taoist, this behavior is as absurd as someone trying to hoard a closet full of air. Air is abundant and ever-present, and no amount of hoarding will make it yours to keep.

Building Calm and Moving Forward

If you find yourself clinging to love or behaving desperately in relationships, the first step is to build calm. This doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions but learning to release tension and stress through practices like meditation. When you cultivate calm, you create space for spiritual growth.

As you progress, your relationships will transform. You’ll stop acting out of fear or craving and start valuing the work that goes into building a healthy connection. Even time spent outside the haze of craving can become good time—a steady, fulfilling experience that grows from conscious choice and balanced emotion.

A Final Thought on Love

Love, in its truest form, is neither a wild craving nor a passive feeling. It is an active process—a fusion of all parts of the self working together. By embracing this fusion, you align yourself with the Tao, cultivating relationships that are not only healthy but also deeply enriching.